A Thanksgiving Gratitude Series

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  It reminds me to pause, feel, and express gratitude.  In all of my years as a psychologist I can truly say that the presence of an ongoing feeling of gratitude is the healthiest, most life affirming emotion available to us.  In this past Tuesday’s NY Times science section there was an article summarizing the research on gratitude.  Those who were continually grateful were happier, less depressed (if at all), had better relationships, more energy, lived longer, dealt better with stress, were more productive at work, were more generous…the list goes on. On this special day, Thanksgiving, we recognize those specific things, people, and events that have enhanced our lives.  I personally endeavor to live Thanksgiving 365 days a year; and while our lives always have ups and downs, stressors and challenges, bearing in mind those gifts that we are surrounded by, big and small, is always quite identifiable if we just take a slow deep breath, and become aware. And most importantly, I always keep in mind the wonder, miracle if you will, of this enterprise of life, and the infinite beauty of existence.

Dr. Mark Vogel

A Thanksgiving Gratitude Series

Since I began working at FFS in 1988, Bob and I have celebrated almost every Thanksgiving with the students. That would mean that the 17-year old students with whom we first celebrated would be just about forty years old now. On this special day of the year set aside for gratitude, I give my prayer of thanks for all those recoveries that we were privileged to be a part of over the years.  I look through my mind’s eye at a sea of young faces, and remember their stories and how close they allowed us to be to them.  How fortunate we are to have been able to give and receive so much love!

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving,

Susan Runge (and Uncle Bob)

A Thanksgiving Gratitude Series

Many of the students with whom I work, and their families, are facing heartbreaking situations. They have family members who are terminally ill, or their family structures have broken down due to addiction and/or divorce or death or other significant losses. In some instances, their communication and attachment to each other have been severely damaged for years. By all statistical measures, these students are at high risk for permanent damage and family estrangement.

I am profoundly grateful that many of these students and families are opening up, allowing me to bear witness to their pain, and are putting in the hard work to re-establish lines of communication and strategies to move past illness and addiction and toward recovery and health. Through them, I continually get to see both God’s presence in our lives and the knowledge that the human spirit and capacity for healing are stronger than any obstacles that life may bring.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mary Burkart

A Thanksgiving Gratitude Series

I know that I am blessed to be able take the students to rehab’s so they can share experience, strength and hope with young people in recovery. Seeing the joy that our students find in doing 12 step work is fantastic to say the least. In this and many other things that I am involved with, with the students, I am truly grateful for.

Mike Losicco

I just had an amazing meeting with a student. It’s 6:30, right before dinner and I’ve just come out of the family leaders meeting.  Panava, a senior floor person tells me there is a student who needs to see me. I’m the highest authority in the school at the moment and he needs to get something off his chest.  John, not his real name, comes into my office. He tells me about a negative contract he has with two boys from another house. He has known about them doing drugs. Details spill out from him. He smuggled in $21 when he came back from his Christmas visit. A week after he returned, he told one boy, call him Zack, who then told John, that he and another boy, Eric, were getting high on some Klonopin they had in the dorm. So, John had been carrying the secret for about a week.

I thanked John for his honesty and I asked him to tell me a little something about himself because he was not a student that I knew well. He said, very matter-of-factly, I’m a liar. I lie to my parents. I lie to everyone here staff and my friends. I lie all the time. He is calm, relaxed, he has a smile on his face.

I ask him, “Do you mean, that you’re okay with the fact that you’re a liar? Or, are you saying that you want to stop being a liar?”

“Yes, I want to stop lying. I am…”

I asked another question. “So, how long have you been working the program?”

“15 minutes about.” He says, blowing me away.

“What happened?” I said, curious look on my face.

“Okay, I better say the whole story.”

In addition to knowing about the two kids getting high in the dorm, he had had another secret. He had gotten high and smoke cigarettes on his home visit at Christmas. When he came back, he tested positive for marijuana and nicotine on his drug test but he denied it. These tests are wrong once in a blue moon. His family counselor had arranged a telephone conference with his family. They confront him.  He denies it. The family group ends. His sponsor and his junior sponsor, who had been in the family group and “knew in his gut” that John was lying, talked to him. By now both the junior sponsor and John are talking excitedly, telling me what has happened.  Clearly, both got something positive out of the experience. I am not sure what the junior sponsor said.  They referred to a couple of stories and analogies.

John continues,  “I can’t explain it, I just decided to tell the truth.”

“How does it feel?”

He said, “better, lighter. As soon as I told my sponsor that I  lied, I called my parents back.  My father was angry. Normally I would be sad.  But I felt okay.  It didn’t matter.  I was free.”

John rattled on about what was going to happen next…., “yes, I got a make amends for my brother. I have to apologize to the family. But there’s other staff I need to apologize to…”

We talked for a few more minutes, and I came home to feed the dogs. Now I’m writing this before I forget. It isn’t every day you get to witness somebody in the first 15 minutes of a new life.

There is a lot of trash being written about me, my family, and The Family Foundation School on the Internet. They twist everything we do, taking something beautiful like the encounter that I just had and they do the best they can to make it sound ugly and mean. Sobriety is so fragile. Our relationship to honesty is so fragile. A student I’ve called John is having a real moment of conversion right now here in Hancock, New York. It might not last. He might go back to being the liar he was an hour ago. But for right now, he is a fellow traveler.

~ Rita Argiros

By Kurt Hock

What Matters?

The truth is there are two great forces in the universe at war, good versus evil, it may be argued, but then what is there to argue? This person put his own life in danger to save another and that person pushed the other person over the cliff. No matter what the external conditions are these forces begin to be part of our lives from the moment of our birth, both begin to vie for the upper hand; to mold us. If a young person for one reason or another goes through the intake process at this school it’s because their parents decided to take a stand against the negative forces that have clouded their son’s or daughter’s future. Their offspring have become disenfranchised from love, unselfishness, truth, and purity. Self respect as evident from their behavior at home had been obliterated. With out self respect we become a door to nowhere. Their child’s life style had clearly become a matter of life, in the full meaning of the word, and death, horribly connected to the fear it embraces. There are 100 more suffering Families for every one Family slowly, preciously being reestablished here; the schools mission. This inspirational campus is a haven in which to heal through deep introspection, time, and a safe environment; this is essential to each fragile person that enters the front door. It is no less then a glimpse of hope! The fight heats up, each day becomes a battle, truth begins to emerge and real change happens. This miracle is witnessed each graduation by the most dedicated staff I have ever worked with. We all become willing participants to a serious victory for all that is good!

The Family Foundation School Matters! Profoundly!

Having worked here before in 2000-2001, I feel as if I was called back here by God. I feel so comfortable working here, I know I belong here to help these students in whatever way God gives me the knowledge to do. Everyone who works here has something good to contribute to these students. I am even amazed at the things that I have learned by listening to other staff speak.

Kathy A.

My journey in recovery has taken me places I never could have imagined and continually placed opportunities for growth and discovery about myself and other before me on a daily basis.  A few years back this journey gave me the opportunity to work with the students of the Family Foundation School.

I’m amazed by the difficulties and challenges the students arrive at the school with.  Each individual story has a level of “soul suffering” that seems beyond what is fair for an adolescent.  I say this without judging who is at fault for the particular predicament.  Regardless of the causes, these situations continually expand my capacity for empathy.  They also make it clear that the challenge at the heart of the “Serenity Prayer” is a rigorous spiritual discipline:

…the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

–Reinhold Niebuhr

While there are never guarantees in this line of work, on a daily basis I remain grateful for the opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope.

-Richard R.

My name is Dawn Finlay. I am the handler of the dog that found our missing girl last week. First let me say thank you for all the supportive comments about Taz. He really is a good dog and deserves the recognition. Secondly, I’d like to add my comments regarding the work we do at the Family Foundation School. In actuality, I have been a full-time algebra teacher at FFS for 5 years. I work very closely with the youth, both in the classroom and out. I can say wholeheartedly that the faculty and staff of FFS are an incredibly dedicated group of professionals, committed to working with teens in crisis. It is true that many of our students are resistant to being at the school and we do have runaways. Several of us at the school are trained in Search and Rescue and we have a detailed response plan in place to deal with these incidents. It is my personal mission to serve God, the school, teens in crisis, and my community with all of my skills, to the best of ability. I believe that is also the mission of every one of my co-workers and the administration of FFS. Regards, Dawn Finlay

As I sat around the Thanksgiving Table with our Lake House family at the Family Foundation School, turkey, pies, and the works, I could not help feeling the goodness of life in our school. The kids were great, with prayers, games, fun, and hearty appetites. I wondered where they would have been on November 26, 2009, had they not come here.

Thank you, God, for good work, good food, life in a free country, and those beautiful 12 steps. Take care of each and every one of these children. Help us to help them. Use us, speak through us, guide us, and give us patience and love. AMEN.

Susan R.